end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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