She's JV to your varsity
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I skipped work to stalk him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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