he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
