if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
