Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
