Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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