Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize