I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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