Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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