i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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