You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
