..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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