So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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