You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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