i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
