Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
