I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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