I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
