i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
love makes seman taste better
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
