Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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