I heard we made out
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
