i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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