I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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