Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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