that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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