I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
