What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
