Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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