We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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