put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
