omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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