the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
