Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
