why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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