I'm drive I can fine osifer
it hurts more in the daytime
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
