is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
