weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
