Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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