I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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