I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
