i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
