He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
