There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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