just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
