the condom got lost in my hair
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
