So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize