highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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