You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
