You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this will be a night to untag.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
