I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
