Ketchup is God's man juice
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
