dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
