Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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