Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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