the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
vagina is talking i cant
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
