He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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