I must be too annoying 4 u.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
