call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
