Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
