he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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