I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i was in the wii world.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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