What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
