i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
