I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
