"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
