In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
