I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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