Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
