party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
