Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
